The Path

This week I am blessed to be on a wellness retreat in the desert. I had set this up several months before our world was knocked off kilter with Mike’s diagnosis, and I almost cancelled it several times before ultimately deciding that since we’re still in a holding pattern waiting for treatment to start that this is the perfect time for some healing and wellness for myself. Mike insisted I go, and Cole is home with him this week – perfect father/son bonding time. Win-win.

But I digress. Yesterday we went to Joshua Tree for a “moderate” 5 mile hike. Joshua Tree National Park is a beautiful place to visit. It’s a vast, desolate place speckled with all kinds of cacti and other desert plants. It’s sandy, rocky and rugged, and in some places I can’t tell whether it wants to be desert or mountain. We hiked through some of those “in between” places. We started off on a flat trail that was clear. It may not have been marked, but you could tell that people had definitely been this way before. As we went along, the terrain became a little more rocky, and I had to keep my head down somewhat so I could pay attention to where I was stepping. Before I knew what was even happening we were halfway up a rocky hill.

The view from the top of the hill. We parked alllllll the way across that patch of desert inside the smaller rock formation in the background.

The path up to the top was rocky in places. In some places it was so steep I had to pause to catch my breath for a moment. In other places it was smooth enough to not even notice we were still ascending.

Then our guide took us off path for our descent to get us “a little bit out of our comfort zone”. Y’all. This wasn’t “a little bit” out of my comfort zone. This wasn’t even in the same dimension as my comfort zone. This part of the hike took my comfort zone, chewed it up, and spit it out. There were parts of the climb back down where I seriously wondered if being emergency-helicoptered out of this damn desert would be an option.

We didn’t just walk back down. We climbed over rocks. We slid down rocks on our backsides. Some places I had to try a few different ideas before finally figuring out the best way for me to get down to the next part.

I climbed down from the top. Well, climb may be too graceful a term for what I did. I more like kind of scootched down on my backside in most places. Do you see a path?

We found a shady spot to have lunch and rest for a few minutes after coming most of the way down that rock. Adrenaline was pretty high. I was fairly impressed with myself. We had MADE it. It would be smooth sailing from there.

Then the guide asked if anyone wanted to do “a little exploring” while a few ladies tended to some minor first aid – cuts and scratches, nothing major, thank God. I thought he meant walking around, learning more about the desert, so I joined the smaller group. Little did I know that we were going to actually climb more rocks. And what goes up, must come down. I was ok going up, but then I turned around and all I could see was a bunch of rocks with no handrail to help me get back down. Looking down made me a little dizzy even. Smart move, Rach, you’re terrified of heights, what were you thinking?!?!?!?! For this part I’m not ashamed to admit that the guide had to hold my hand all the way back down. I was so scared I was shaking. But we finally made it back down and back to the group, and I actually looked back to where we had climbed and felt like such a badass. My actual thought was, “If I could climb that, I can do anything.”

What was I thinking?!?!?!? We made it almost to the top.

It may sound cliche, but I really found so many parallels on this hike to my life, especially what Mike and I are going through right now. We were going along on our little path, it may not have had directions, but our path was pretty clearly laid out and we were happily marching along and then BAM! All of a sudden our lives were turned upside down by brain cancer. There’s no instruction manual to help us navigate this rocky terrain. We have just had to put our heads down and get through one day at a time. Some days are smoother than others. Some days we have to ask someone to hold our hands and help us down. But you know what? Mike is a badass. WE are badasses. We are doing the damn thing, and we WILL make it back to our path eventually. It may not always be clear cut, and it may not always be pretty, but we will make it back.